The world of driving is a relatively straightforward place. You follow the rules, drive in a safe manner and all is well in the world. The problems arise when you’re minding your own business, following the road signs and suddenly you come across some that cannot possibly be correct.
‘Am I on a hidden camera show?’ you wonder, or perhaps ‘The police are around here somewhere just waiting to pounce when I follow this sign!’ Alternately, others provide a good laugh and it seems the most logical explanation for them is that they were placed by concerned people wanting to cheer up the confused and paranoid drivers who experience the first set of signs.
The following are real, so sit back, enjoy the read and be glad you aren’t encountering them whilst on the road.
Misdirection is a subtle art (or not…):
- ‘All traffic must turn right’. The sign underneath reads ‘Left lane must turn left’.
- ‘Entrance Only Do Not Enter’. Yeah we’re confused too.
- ‘Traffic Island’ (this is fine, except the sign is in the middle of a field)
- Two different signs one under the other for the same place name, each with an arrow pointing in the opposite direction
- Three signs one under the other, the first an arrow with two heads pointing left and right. The next one an arrow saying ‘ONE WAY’ pointing left. The third one an arrow saying ‘ONE WAY’ pointing right.
- ‘Left Right Straight U-turn Only’. Um…which one is it then?
- ‘No horn blowing except for anger’
- ‘No right turn’ and a sign below it saying ‘Right lane must turn right’
- ‘Keep right’ with an arrow on the sign pointing left
The weird and the wonderful:
- ‘Speed limit? No’. Okay, that’s pretty clear!
- ‘Error 404: Road Not Found’
- ‘No parking fire lane’ and the sign underneath ‘No idling shut off engine while parked’.
- ‘Village Hall Car Park’ with ‘No Parking’ underneath the first words
- ‘Secret Bunker Turn Right 180 Yds Ahead’. No it couldn’t possibly be a historic landmark sign; it has to be a reverse psychology tactic!
- ‘Extreme Fire Hazard: Don’t even fart in the forest.’
- ‘Attention dog guardians: Pick up after your dogs. Attention dogs: Grrr, bark, woof. Good dog.’
- ‘Drive slow, see our village: Drive fast, see our judge.’
- ‘No oxygen next ten miles’. Hope you’re good at holding your breath…
- ‘Danger Falling Aliens’. So that’s how they’re planning their invasion!
- ‘Entrance and exit only’
- ‘You are now entering RV resort. Please observe 5 M.P.H. (If not) 1. You may notice a piece of your rear end missing. 2. Attacked by mad camp host. 3. Asked to leave. Your choice.’
- ‘Evans Rd Temp. Closure Until funding available for construction’. Well at least they’re honest!
- ‘Hidden entrance’. Not anymore…
- ‘You are what you eat (We’re people)’
- ‘Wild packs of chihuahuas dragged conquistadors from their horses and ate them for snacks’. Their cute and cuddly demeanour is a cunning ruse! Now that’s impressive…
- ‘Are you wearing clean underwear?’
- ‘Danger Falling Bullshit Next 10 Miles’
- ‘Even male chauvinist pigs need love’
- ‘My poor heart is breakin’ for you to bring home the bacon but when you’re gone I’m alone and forsaken’
- ‘When fires outdoors burn merrily there the witches are making tea’
- ‘Tarzan had four navels’
- ‘Warning: Fasten brastraps and remove dentures very bumpy road’
Some things aren’t clear, but for a clear guide to campsites in and around the UK take a look at Pitchup.com.